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or LOVE is a four letter word by Bucky Lewis Henry & Martha are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Henry says to her "Martha, I was wondering... Have you ever cheated on me?" Martha replies, "Oh Henry, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yup, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three, hmmm, well when were they?" as his face turned red, but realizing he had pressured her... "Well Henry, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh Martha, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me.... So when was number 2?" "Well, Henry, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it!! Martha, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life... I couldn't have a more wonderful wife... To do such a thing, you must really love me darling... I couldn't be more moved... So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Henry, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the fishing club .... And you were 17 votes short...." It ain't easy. At all. Marriage is a very expensive way to get your underwear bleached for free. It is not simply a word but a sentence. It doesn't matter where you are, what you do, or who your mate is, the institution of marriage has got to be worked at to be successful otherwise you might just end up in one. After all, marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. And as long as a man knows that there are two theories to arguing with a woman and neither one works, he has half a chance in getting along. Wives are like fishermen. They aren't happy with the one they got, and they complain about the one that got away. I think though in some ways that being married in the North Country or in any other rural area of the country is somewhat easier than trying to make it in the cities and the suburbs. Less distractions, more working as a team to get along to survive. Of course this has also changed now because of the Internet. Uncle Bob took off for Thailand yesterday to marry a seventeen year old virgin heiress he met in a chat room titled 'Bored and Confused'. Old Bill is going to be awfully surprised when he gets there to find his 17 year old to be an effeminate 60 year old man. There is a comfort zone in having a mate that you have lived with for years. You get to know the subtleties of each other's emotions. For example, you automatically know your wife is mad at you if she serves you corn on the cob after hiding your teeth. Or if you declare "Put your coat on deah cuz I'm going out" she knows that it's not because you're taking her anywhere, it's because you are turning the heat down. Character plays the most important role in marriage in rural America. My friend Cyrus is fond of saying that a man who marries a woman just for beauty alone would probably buy a house just for the way it's painted. It takes a lot of character for a woman to be on her man's lobster boat and open up the chum bucket that has been sitting covered in the hot sun for 2 weeks. Or to gut out the deer he just shot or clean out the fish he just caught, then to be there for him later on in the boudoir. We all know that in a marriage if your definition of sex is that it follows five, your wedlock has way too much lock in it and not enough wed. The person who has it the toughest in living in the country is the single man and woman. There are only so many parties to be seen at in the sandpit, and just so many days you can go to the fair. Ham and Bean suppahs are good social events to meet people of the opposite sex at, but the consequences can be somewhat embarrassing afterwards. Of course some folks in isolated close-knit communities solve the problem of selecting a mate with relative ease, if you know what I mean. Practicality is a virtue that a woman looks for in a man in the country. Where a city woman would be repulsed by seeing an old rusted out school bus in her date's yard, the country woman is actually turned on by it, knowing that it serves two purposes: as a combination lawn ornament and storage facility. Of course she could also be turned on by the cologne he's wearing: Woodsman's Fly Dope. What most rural folks learn about courting is to use the K.I.S.S. method: keep it simple stupid. If a countrywoman is out on a date and she hears "Here, take a drag of this, I grew it myself" she knows that not only is he a sharing man but resourceful too. Women like that are appreciative of the simple little considerations that a man shows them when courting. Like stopping under a bridge so she doesn't get wet when it rains, or be willing to let her order the most expensive thing on the menu at the local restaurant, including even the barbecue Spam loaf. On the other hand, if she has to spend a lot of the evening up on the roof adjusting the antennae so he can watch the hockey game, chances are it might be the last date. Another indication that he just might not be Mr. Right is that the reason her blind date looks so familiar is because she saw his picture on a poster in the post office. Another sign is that she has to sit in the back seat because his dog gets mad if anyone sits in his spot in the front. No matter if you're married, engaged, courting, or dating, love usually has something to do with it. People just have to keep two things in mind: First is that love is made up of 2 vowels, 2 consonants, and 2 fools. Secondly, love can be defined as temporary insanity curable by marriage. |