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by Bucky Lewis I wrote this article last century. You know the one that had alot of folks running around cleaning out their air-raid shelters and stocking up on everything from assault rifles to water purification systems. The Y2K hysteria is over (I think) and we can come out of the house now. Of course the Y2K computer thing was never a real problem for us up here in the North Country, ayuh. After all, we are used to living with lots of bugs. LOTS of them, particularly in the spring. My friend Suzy Skidmark of Belchah, Maine told me last summer that she didn't know what all the fuss was about on this Y2K thing: "I don't know why people are so worried about Y2K" she said "My boss told me to fix the problem and it only took me one hour to change the whole office to be Y2K compatible". Well it took a while, but I guess the people in the office are getting used to it: Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak... People who annually make New Year's resolutions have got to be under alot of stress this year. Lots of pressure. After all, there is a big responsibility greeting a new century with how "I will do better". No more smoking, gambling, drinking, needles, and that silly sheep thing, etc. As we all know, because we live here in the North Country, we are not as well heeled as our visitors from the deep South—you know like the Boston area—and beyond. Below is a list of 10 ways we can better ourselves this year to interact with the "real" world: 1) Even though the opening at Jiffy Lube is tempting, finishing school first would be the proper thing to do. 2) Next time you go for a job interview, don't bring beer or ask if they press charges. 3) Try and teach your kids good telephone etiquette. "Mom's too drunk to come to the phone" will not do. 4) No matter how hot it is outside, don't bring a cooler to church. 5) When attending a wedding, you're pushing your luck if you kiss the bride for more than 15 seconds. 6) And it is considered bad luck to bring a date to a wedding - if you're the groom. 7) If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes. 8) Even if you are certain that you are included in the Will, don't bring a U-haul to the funeral home. 9) Be careful. Your date can usually tell if the flowers you bring her were stolen from the cemetery. 10) Car keys can be an adequate substitute for Q-tips, but only if they are your own. I hope that these tips can help to better some of your lives and make it easier to make it through the next 100 years or so. After all, we just might meet each other in a dark alley someday and the way you act, might really bug me. |